Drafting a poem-

To write or not to right (pun intended!)

West End Lane, West Hampstead (Draft Four)

The pram comes into view, two heads, huge eyes, 
one baby sits, sister-toddler stands, facing her. 
I must say hello. One head twirls then returns,  
bear fitted in the small hand.
"They are so cute". The mother smiles.
"One, two, three", I count, finishing at a life-size doll 
sleeping on the pram shelf.
"Oh yes, she fell out and gave a young woman a heart-attack".
"I am not surprised, she even wearing knickers".
I wave goodbye to the mother, 
and little dark heads. A car stops
at the Zebra Crossing to let them pass.
I watch them progress up the slope, two heads 
and a pair of doll's feet growing smaller and smaller.


Below, the final draft, (draft seven)

Perambulation on West End Lane

Red pram comes into view, rainbow hats, blue eyes, 
seated infant, sister-toddler stands.
One child unfurls to me, hug-snug bear 
in hand. I must say hello.

"They are so cute". The mother smiles.
"One, two, three", I count, finishing at a lifelike 
doll untidy on the pram shelf.
"Oh yes, she fell out and gave a young woman a heart-attack".
A car stops at the zebra crossing to let them pass.

They perambulate towards Hampstead, flowered- heads 
and budded feet growing smaller and smaller.

Shereen Abdallah ©

Drafting is a key part of writing poetry. I have found that some poems
are quite tricky in this phase. When I am stuck, I have found it useful to take 
a step back. 

What thoughts am I trying to communicate? 
Can I use the senses to greater effect, are all the words, sentences needed?
Be brutal!
Are the images interesting? 
Are the words tired?

'There is no such thing as good writing, only good rewriting' 
Robert Graves

And what is your writing journey?